Eyes Closed

Sometimes when I close my eyes,

I pray they will not open.

I don’t want to see the anger

but I still feel the pain.

I don’t want to look into the eyes

and see the souls.

Sometimes when I close my eyes,

I pray that when they open,

I will see sunshine.

I will see love.

I will see a smiling angel,

Come to shelter me from the rain.

Sometimes when I close my eyes,

I dream beautiful dreams

From my childhood.

The innocence and naivete,

Smiling and laughing,

Carefree and careless,

Dancing in the rain.

If only I could live with my eyes closed…

I would never see the ugliness;

I would never see the anger.

I would follow the music

That would lead me to the light

And let me live in my world

To dance and sing in my magical dreams.

Close your eyes and join me…

We will ride unicorns

And swim in crystal clear blue pools with waterfalls.

The clouds will never be grey,

The sun will always shine,

And my tears will only be those of joy.




My Fairy Tale Story

Once upon a time,

There lived a beautiful maiden in a little village outside the Castle.

The beautiful maiden was a magical child.

There is no explanation for the child’s gifts but what real explanation is there for magic.

It was as if she was magic herself.

Her family traveled but eventually returned home to the little village and settled.

The maiden grew into a beautiful creature who had not realized her powers.

She became lost one day on a walk out into the woods where and ogre saw her and desired to possess her.

The ogre did not love her for although he knew love, he could not show love.

The ogre did have a heart.

Unfortunately, it was mostly poisoned by ogre greed and desire for control of beautiful things.

She became lost in the woods for a little while and even in the darkness of the forest she could see the light and the beauty of the darkness.

Unafraid of the ogre, the maiden approached him and her beauty, kindness, and the sweet tender whisper of her voice made him desire to possess her.

He helped to show her the way out of the forest so he could know where to find her.

To own such a creature of magic as the beautiful maiden, he would need evil magic.

The beautiful maiden was kept under a magic spell cast by an evil sorcerer so that the ogre could disguise himself to win the love of the beautiful maiden.

He kept her under the influence with a magic potion whilst he used a chant of possession from the evil sorcerer to keep her prisoner in his humble home amongst the common merchant folk of the village.

They appeared to live a happy life and she bore him 2 beautiful babies.

His disguise was so perfect and he was able to spew his evil nasty hatred as he broke her spirit with his words of hatred to control her mind.

But her heart kept her in control and able to break free to raise the babies.

She raised the babies to be children on her own as he did not see what gifts the children were and their mother’s ability for magic was in their souls.

They were the source of her magic.

Although ugly creatures, ogres do have hearts and this ogre did have some goodness and love when he was brought into this world.

The half-breed babies appeared in human form, luckily.

The ogre worried that his true form would be revealed when his offspring were born.

After the babies were born, the maiden grew weary and often ill though no one would ever notice by looking at her for she always kept a smile upon her face and it glowed with the love which fired her heart, the love for her children.

Her heart was dying.

Her mind was so clouded from all the poisonous words.

The ogre was using the words of the evil chant to reach inside her and crush her heart by killing her spirit and destroying her soul.

He made her invisible.

But the chant was too much for the beautiful maiden and she was driven mad.

She locked herself inside her room and lost herself in a world of fantasy, where anything is possible.

It is a world of dreams.

The fine line between reality and fantasy is crossed and imagination becomes the master of decision.

She could be anyone she wanted at any time and visit anywhere she could imagine.

But it was all in her mind.

She became numb, deaf, and blind to the outside world.

But the ogre had what he wanted, the children.

Beautiful, innocent creatures filled with love from their mother.

He found himself another woman who could tend to the children.

He no longer needed the maiden.

He had drained her of her magic.

He had burnt out the fire that glowed within her heart.

She was expelled from the house and sent off to make her own way.

But the children…

He could not take them away whilst he executed his plan to secure the heart of another maiden so she could care for the children since their mother turned out to be worthless in his eyes.

He still needed her to function within for the time he needed the evil magic to take complete control of her heart.

Left to search for a new home, the beautiful maiden is blessed to meet a fairy.

The fairy sees the dim glow within the beautiful maiden, although the maiden’s beauty withered with the pain of the remnants of the evil still within the maiden.

The fairy brought the maiden to a little corner in a place with good people to surround the three.

The children had friends and the maiden was able to heal.

They tended to their mother.

They took on the job of caring and helping in a little cabin on the outskirts of the village homes.

Safe from the reach of the ogre and protected by a magic boundary which the ogre could not cross.

Being kind and caring, the beautiful maiden allowed the children to visit their father even though she was beginning to be able to see through the ogre’s disguise.

It was a horrid realization for her.

The beautiful maiden began to find strength.

She found her magic but she was unable to fully heal her body.

She healed as best she could but the glow from her heart was still so dim.

The warmth, she could still feel.

It was a beautifully sunny day and the maiden was out for a walk on the road to the castle.

She could hear and feel a horses coming, a carriage.

As she stepped off the road and walked off the side of the road,

The carriage drew closer.

She could feel it, see it, and smell the dirt in the wind as it approached.

Something about the carriage kept her attention drawn to it.

It seemed to glow with a brilliance and it was if a light was bursting through the windows.

Within that glow was the silhouette of a man.

He was an angel in disguise.

The carriage stopped as the beautiful maiden looked up and she smiled at the warmth of the light.

He touched her lips with his.

He showered her body in kisses of warmth with desire.

He gave her a spark to fire her heart’s glow.

He gave her hope – to believe, desire, and trust.

She watched as he went back into the carriage and rode away.

And she knew tomorrow would be a day of possibilities.

She had hope that her fairy tale would have a happy ending.

There would be no prince charming.

There would be a beautiful maiden who brought magic and love back into the world as a source of light with hope.

This would be her happy ending.

Well, maybe someday there will be a little romance too so what would be so wrong with a prince charming as long as he realized that the beautiful maiden could kick ass 😉

Hormone Headache Alert

So I started thinking about this guy who is imo, a perfect man.

Then I started thinking well, what if this happens.

Next I thought then this could happen.

Thinking and thinking,

Over thinking,

Tying my stomach into knots.

I want a boyfriend someday.

This guy who has faults is still, imo, a perfect man.

Woman can’t help but notice him.

He’s adorable and funny.




Imo, what woman wouldn’t want to date this man!

I could gush on and on like a school girl

But I am having a case of life timing issues.

Life is such a bitch sometimes.

So sad that I can’t try to date this man.

Monku, monku, monku…

The only solution is to just be friends

And hope

(insert sigh)

That maybe someday

(insert sigh)

(Please allow for a moment of daydreaming)

My heart is a flutter with hope

But my life is a clutter with too much other crap.

And fyi (idk if this is true but), women have 50+ hormones messing with their bodies and minds.

So I have problems

But I can find solutions to my insanity.

My first solution is to take a nap

And dream about the perfect man that I can’t date because I am insane.

I’m blaming the hormones and taking some motrin!




Untitled #430

I keep repeating the words to myself,

It will never work out.

I don’t know the future.

Yet I am unwilling to wait.

Patience is not my virtue.

I keep repeating the words to myself,

It will never work out.

I want it to work out.

Yet I am unwilling to wait.

Patience is not my virtue.

I keep repeating the words to myself,

It will never work out.

I need to stop talking

And I need to learn to wait.

Patience will be my virtue.

Using My Brain

I thought!

I stopped and I took the time to think…

I am proud of myself.

Not to sound conceited,

It is just that I do not use my brain

And often times make quick decisions.

Impulsive behavior,

Too often

Left with my own stupidity for comfort.

It is easier than I thought it would be.

I just had to stop

And think

About what I was going to do.



Slowing down,

Setting boundaries,

And being responsible.

Doing it right.

Does this mean that I am now officially a grown up?